The day was Thursday 25th July 2002 from then on my life would never be the same and I would become a totally different person. A person that I didn’t particularly like very much but there didn’t seem to be anything I could do to change that.
Up until that day I had always been very independent, strong minded and a fairly confident person. I had always held down a job so that I could contribute to buying things for the house, clothes for myself and presents for my family.
I enjoyed my job as a finance and wages clerk as it had always been my ambition to work with figures.


On Monday 22nd July due to low moral and a lack of being appreciated for all my hard work and loyalty I had given the company over the previous 5 years my stress level soared and I felt very annoyed and upset. These feelings continued to affect me after I had gone home and I became very moody with my husband Tony. That night I suffered what I thought was indigestion brought on by the stress I had been suffering from. Tony was on nights that week so I didn’t tell him of the discomfort.
We had also started to redecorate the hall and stairs as I thought keeping myself busy would keep my mind off work.

On the Tuesday I decided that work wasn’t worth all the stress and upset so I resigned myself to keeping calm and not to let unpleasant situations upset me. I even took my time doing my work to keep my stress levels to a minimum. The ‘indigestion’ didn’t seem too bad that day.

On Wednesday morning I woke up with discomfort in my chest again but within half an hour it had subsided and I went to work. I didn’t mention it to anybody at home or at work. The rest of the day I had the odd pain but nothing as I thought to worry about. I continued to carry on with the decorating of the hall and stairs.

I woke up a couple of times during the early hours of Thursday morning with the discomfort in my chest again, but I didn’t let it worry me too much and eventually got up to get ready for work as normal. The discomfort was still there but I thought it would disappear again within half an hour or so as it had done on the previous morning.

When I drove to work the discomfort was still there and I wondered what could be causing it as I had been suffering with it for some time, but I wasn’t unduly worried. After approximately one hour at work the discomfort in my chest was turning to pain and had spread from the middle of my chest up and into my shoulders. I started to feel sickly and unwell so I decided to pop outside to get some fresh air in the hopes that would make me feel better. Carolyn my work colleague came out to see if I was OK. I told her about the pains in my chest and she asked me if I thought I had strained myself whilst I was decorating. I said I wasn’t sure, but deep down I hoped it was something as simple as that.

I went back into the office and tried to continue working but I couldn’t concentrate properly as I had begun to feel really unwell. Both my colleagues told me I looked pale and I should go home and get to bed so that hopefully I would feel better after a rest. I rang through to my boss and told him that I felt quite poorly and that I was going home. He asked me to ring him later and let him know if I would be all right to go into work the next day.
I don’t know how I managed it but I drove the 12 miles back home. I felt I had to really concentrate on my driving, as I didn’t feel at all well. After approximately half an hour I arrived home and decided to ring the doctors surgery as I felt the pain was getting worse.

The Doctor rang me back and I told him of the symptoms I’d suffered over the previous few days. He asked me to come straight down to the surgery so that he could give me a more thorough examination.

I woke Tony up, as I felt too ill to drive anymore that day. I explained to him that I was getting pains in my chest and that I felt unwell and I needed him to drive me to the doctor’s surgery. After a quick wash he got dressed and we headed off to the doctors. From what I can remember of the journey we didn’t speak much. I was feeling quite nervous and wondering what was wrong with me.

We soon arrived at the surgery and I only had to wait a few minutes before I was called to see Doctor. Tony came in with me to give me moral support with me feeling so nervous.
The doctor asked me a number of questions and listened to my chest and checked my ankles. He said he would like to rule out the possibility of any heart problems and asked me to go to the City Hospital for some tests. He rang the hospital to see if they could admit me as an outpatient on the Medical Assessment ward for tests to find out what was wrong. He seemed to be on the phone for quite a long time and I was becoming increasingly more nervous and feeling unwell. After the phone call he suggested we should go straight to the hospital. He couldn’t tell me how long the tests would take but in my naivety I thought I would only be they’re for a couple of hours or so.

We went to the car and made our way to the hospital. I realised I would have to contact my daughter Michelle as due to her working that day I was going to look after our granddaughter Lauren that afternoon and I wasn’t sure if we would be home in time. I rang her up from my mobile phone and explained to her what had happened. I could tell by the tone of her voice she was worried so I tried to put her mind at rest and said she would be the first to know as soon as we found out what was happening.

We arrived at the City Hospital, by now it was about 11.30am. We asked for directions to the Medical Assessment Ward and made our way there. The staff were very busy and the female section of the ward was full so I was put in the first available bed in the male side. I was told I would have to put on a gown that I wasn’t too pleased about, as it wasn’t at all nice. I was told I could be there anytime up until 7pm due to the ward being very full, so I asked if Tony could nip home and get me some decent nightwear and a few bits and pieces that I might need. Tony went off home to fetch my things whilst I was left to wait.  First of all a blood test was taken and then an ECG tracing of my heart. Soon after a young female doctor came to see me. She asked me all sorts of questions about my symptoms and aches and pains. She said she didn’t think it was my heart as the only similarity to a heart attack was the pains in my chest. I didn’t appear to have any other symptoms relating to heart problems. I felt slightly more at ease, as the one thing I had feared was that I was having problems with my heart. After making notes of all the answers to the questions she had asked she went off and I was left on my own to wonder what was wrong with me, and what was going to happen next.

At about 12.30pm a nurse came to me and asked if I would like something to eat. She brought me a pork chop with potatoes and vegetables. I managed to eat a little of it although it wasn’t very appetising and I wasn’t feeling as hungry as I first thought.

Tony seemed to be taking a long time to fetch my belongings and I was missing him and willing him to hurry back as I was still feeling nervous and unwell. After what seemed like hours he came back and I got undressed and sat on the bed cross-legged. Tony sat on a chair next to the bed and from what I remember we chatted a bit.

A nurse came with a small tablet and asked me to place it under my tongue and let it dissolve slowly to see if the pain in my chest would disappear. I did as she had suggested and waited to see if the pain would subside. Tony and I were left once again on our own to wonder what else they were going to do.

The next thing that happened was about to change my life forever…………………………

The doctor came back with the results of the blood test and ECG heart tracing and out of the blue she said that "Yes" I did have a problem with my heart but luckily the heart specialist was on the ward and he had advised her what medication to give me.

I couldn’t believe my ears. No surely not…. Not my heart... Oh God what was I going to do now? I burst into tears and looked at Tony and my mind went into overdrive. Was this really happening to me or was I going to wake up any minute at home and in bed and realise I was only dreaming. No such luck.

The doctor promptly gave me an injection and left. Almost immediately I couldn’t control what was happening to my body. I began to feel sick, dizzy and faint. I started to sweat profusely from every pore of my body. I wanted to shout, "Please help me" I just couldn’t understand why I suddenly felt so ill.

A young male nurse came to do another ECG heart tracing but he found it extremely difficult to make the pads stick to my body, as I was just wet through. Eventually he managed to take a reading.

I still couldn’t understand why I felt as ill as I did. My head felt as if it was about to explode and I kept retching as if I was going to be sick. I’d never felt anything like this before and I wondered when these feelings would leave me and when I would feel better.

A porter soon came with a wheelchair and whisked me away upstairs with Tony following close behind to Ward 5, which was the Coronary Care Unit. A bed had already been prepared for me opposite the nurses’ office and I could see my name above it.

I was wheeled to the bed and lay down thankful that my body was slowly starting to relax. A nurse came and fitted a needle into my arm. She had a bit of trouble with it and the blood seemed to pour out over the sheets and my nightdress. She apologised to me for the mess and gave me some medication to stop me from feeling sick. Slowly my mind and body started to settle down and relax and all my senses seemed to go on autopilot. Everything that was happening to me seemed to be happening to someone else and I was just looking on.

I remember I kept looking at Tony hoping as if by magic he could answer my unasked questions.

I was wired up to a heart monitor, which also checked my blood pressure, heart rate and pulse every ten minutes. I just couldn’t seem to comprehend what was happening around me. The only thing I could think of and keep asking myself was "Why me....... Oh God why me?"
Little did I realise that from that moment on my life would never be the same again and that it would take me month’s possibly even years to come to terms with what had happened.

The long road which lay ahead would take many twists and turns before I would even begin to understand and cope with the journey ahead. The easy part was being in hospital for a week even though I was being poked and prodded and I had to endure daily injections into my stomach, which left me sore and bruised.

Even the joy of going home turned to tears and a feeling of fear and loneliness. I was now part of a world I no longer understood and it frightened me.

At home I thought I would be able to get back to normal but the blanket of care that the hospital had given me had now been removed and I would have to learn how to cope on my own.

Tony was very caring and supportive but he too found it difficult to understand what to do for the best. He described it as bringing home a baby for the first time and not being sure how to look after it.

My heart felt as if someone was inside squeezing it. It felt very fragile. I was also very weak and even the simple task of having a wash would leave me feeling tired and exhausted. I didn’t realise what a slow process it was all going to be to get back to a life that was as near to normal as it used to be.

Over the coming weeks I would find myself in hospital again thinking the pain I was getting in my chest was another heart attack. Luckily it wasn’t but I was to receive tests that would determine whether I would need further invasive treatment.

I became very ill and depressed.  I couldn’t eat or do anything. I felt constantly sick and tearful. I thought if this was 'living' then I don’t think I could stand it for much longer, but I didn't want to die.
The nurses at the Cardiac Rehabilitation Unit were really helpful and kind to me but I still felt I was on my own in my suffering. As how could anyone realise what I was going through?
I didn’t understand myself so how could anyone else know.
I found it very difficult to go out anywhere even with someone as I was frightened that something might happen again. I couldn't go anywhere on my own without getting panic attacks. My confidence had reached an all time low.
It took approximately a year of support, counselling, and rebuilding my confidence before I could feel anything like normal.

Needless to say I left the job that had given me all the stress and was lucky enough to get a part-time position with a local hostel as a finance assistant which has more than helped me on the road to recovery.
Each week I attended classes at the Cardiac Rehabilitation Unit where I have met some brilliant people. I have been able to share my doubts and fears with people in a similar situation, therefore realising that I am not the only one to have gone through the various emotions a heart attack brings.
More than eight years have gone by since that fateful day. I still feel nervous on occasions and have the odd panic attack, but life has improved greatly.
I faced death and was lucky enough to be given another chance.
The moral is never put off till tomorrow what you can do or say today. Life isn't a rehearsal so make the most of every moment.

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